Blessed & Highly Favored.

“Remember, when you talk to her, you cannot mention such and such” I told my husband, who nodded in agreement as he slid the green button on his cellphone to accept the phone call from his mother. I held my breath as the two of them chatted and internally my mind and heart were racing.

Please don’t ask how things are going…

Please do not mention anything negative…

Please don't make any references or let on that anything is not perfectly easy…

I silently prayed all of my requests as the two of them chatted on the phone.

The phone call did go smoothly and I was grateful. However, for the rest of the night I was left feeling sort of hollow and empty. This morning as I think back to that conversation, it is not the things my mother-in-law or my husband said to each other that are living rent free in my mind, but it is actually my own statement.

“Remember not to talk to her about…” and then I had mentioned a not too pretty situation we were faced with, one that carried a big price tag. We have learned to be very careful when talking to any family members and to only mention happy and positive things happening in our lives. If we mention anything that seems ‘unpleasant’, hard, or that may cost a lot of money we know that it will be followed up with a lecture about our recent choices (how we are “backsliding” and should know better).

Growing up I heard the term “blessed and highly favored” often. I was preached at and taught repeatedly that if I gave God my all and was obedient that my life would be blessed and I would be prosperous. This teaching and belief has carried on into my adult life and I have heard multiple times out of the mouths of religious family members that “God would bless me if I was more obedient and more submitted to Him.”

Maybe I have heard these statements so many times because I have always been some kind of rebellious, questioning child. Maybe?

Recently and repeatedly I have found myself in this place where I look at my situations and feel defeated and overwhelmed with life. My mind starts to ask me, if I truly was more ‘good’ would He be ‘more good’ to me?

If I showed up to more church services would my health improve? Would God choose to heal my struggles with depression or fix whatever strange gastrointestinal issues seem to be plaguing me these past couple of months?

If I dressed more conservatively and stopped wearing my stacks of beaded bracelets or painting my toe-nails then would God bless me with a pay-raise or send my family some surprise money in the mail so that we could take an extra vacation?

If I stopped asking so many questions about standards and decided to stop pointing out church practices that I see as harmful or even abusive would God be more pleased with me and place good friends in my life?

If you think these questions are silly then you probably did not hear “give and it will come back to you” quoted or sung over every Sunday and Wednesday night offering. You may not have family members or acquaintances that equate every financial situation or simple struggle in life with obedience to God and blessings either.

However this particular way of thinking developed for me (church, family, twisted Bible verses, or general culture of the late 90s) it has become hard to change the way I think and I still find myself wondering if perhaps I am cursed, or just a generally bad human.

It has been my thought process for a very long time that anytime and every time that something bad happened, or something went wrong in my life, that it was indeed, the wrath and judgment of God. If my life did not look like a fairy tale full of blessings then I was not "blessed or highly favored" and I must be doing something wrong with my life. A few Bible verses are haunting my brain right now as I write;

John 10:10: "'I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.'" (KJV).... my life does not feel abundant right now. My life feels hard.

Philippians 4:19: "My God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus." (KJV).... the desires I have do not feel met, it feels like my struggles are continuing to grow every day.

3 John 1:2: "Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth." (KJV).... I know I am not prospering, my bank account is empty and my career’s future, marriage, and relationship with my family seem rocky.

Growing up (and even as an adult) I heard story after story of people who “left the truth” and God punished them with job losses, death, illness, affairs and all kinds of other terrible tragedies. The reason given behind each and every terrible thing that would happen to someone who “knew better” or “knew the truth” was that God was punishing them for leaving, or the devil had 'a hold of their lives'.

In an icky feeling contrast it has always been presented that any time certain family members (we won’t call them spiritual or religious, we will just say that they “hold positions”) are faced with hardships it is not that they are doing anything wrong with their lives, it is just the evil devil attacking them and trying to stop them and their ministry. It has never been called the devil for my husband and I, it is only looked at as a punishment for our rebellion (my assumption is because we are not in any ministry roles and we have never been strict, upright, standard following saints).

I digress, and force myself to move on from this very odd circle of things to come to my point of topic today: The Prosperity Gospel. Yes, I know that Pentecostal and Holiness churches do not label themselves as Prosperity Gospel churches but this element of “name-it-and-claim-it” belief has become super noticeable to me as I study God’s word more and more and compare it the culture and churches I grew up in.

What we call in our modern terms and churches the “prosperity gospel” (the name-it-and-claim-it gospel) is false. The theology of the prosperity gospel teaches that the Holy Spirit is a power to be put to use for whatever the believer wills. This belief stretches to say that as Christians we are empowered to speak things (like health, wealth, success and miracles) into existence just because we have the Holy Spirit inside of us. However, the Bible teaches us that the Holy Spirit is the literal Spirit of God and He both leads and enables us (believers) to do His will.

Here is what I have learned:

Jesus, and belief in Him, is not a “free meal ticket” to a happy, successful life.

I have watched the “name-it-and-claim-it” be applied to healings, promotions, health, salvation of family members, and yes, to finances too. I have heard the declarations that God promises good things to His children, Give and it will come back to you, by His stripes we are healed and "I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly" all used as way of saying ones faith promises them good things. But, our faith in Jesus is not meant to be “a way of controlling God to give us what we want” faith in Jesus is Biblically supposed to mean trusting in a holy and sovereign God despite our circumstances.

Another repeatedly verse from my adolescence is 1 Corinthians 10:13and it says this; “There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.” (KJV) It has always been referenced as “God won’t give you more than you can handle” but when I read my Bible I don’t find this verse saying that particular phrase.

Catch a key phrase here, “but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.” God is here to help us bear it.

God is not going to take away the bad just because He can. He is not going to take the hard stuff away just because we tell Him to, or because we follow a long list of strict rules either. Nope. God is going to give us a way to bear it.

God is not a magic genie that is here to grant your every wish. God is not a big, sugar sky-daddy that will grant you everything that you have ever wanted just because you look nice or work to please Him. You cannot bribe God to get what you want. I’m sorry, but it does not work that way.

I cannot be the only one who has sat and thought (and cried) believing that if I was simply better and did or gave more, if I just sacrificed more, then God would be better to me.

I do honestly wish that if we each were perfectly obedient that nothing bad would ever happen to us, but the Bible does not say anything like that. Bad things happen to good people. Good things happen to bad people. Bad things also happen to bad people and good things also happen to good people, none of those “things that happen” make any person any less or any worse than another.

Look at all the bad things that happened to good people in the Bible.

Seriously, just look at any story and any “Bible hero”. They all faced bad things in their lives and those bad things did not happen to them because they chose to wear pants and paint their fingernails… Not every “life event” is a punishment from God. Some of things that happened to Biblical characters were simple life events and a lot of them happened with Jesus at their side, not Jesus punishing them.

I have read and studied up on original sin, generational trauma, the story of Creation as well as the deity and various forms of Theology behind God and humanity alike, but that still does not give me a perfect understanding of why a good God allows bad things to happen to good people. However, I have been led to understand one very big thing: God is still good and God is still present even in the bad things.

The sovereignty of God and His will for His creations is a beautiful and powerful thing.

As Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” But, unlike how I once believed this verse to read, it does not mean that we are promised good and perfect things because of our belief or submission to God. This verse tells us that we can rest in the fact that our God is able to work all things for our good, even when we cannot see how those good things may happen. It means that a good God is still working in the bad events and things happening in our world.

Unexpected bills are not God’s wrath for your hairstyle.

Accidents, death, and illness are not God punishing you for “straying from the old ways”.

Miscarrying babies, struggling in your marriage, or having a child with behavior problems are not struggles that you are now facing because you are no longer under your pastor’s protection or authority.

Yes, obedience to God and to His word is absolutely essential, but obedience does justify, sanctify or save you. Obedience does not absolve you from having to live life. Jesus paid the price, not you. Jesus justifies and sanctifies you. The plan is His and not yours. You and I do not get to decide what happens to who and how they manage to get through the very hard times that they will face. We do not get to “name” or “claim” anything that we want to happen because our lives are not about us.

The prosperity gospel is dangerous. The belief that if we surrender to God and follow a long list of rules we will be holier, more special, more set apart, or more protected is dangerous. We have to realize that the Holy Spirit is not something that we bend and use as a super-power but it works in us to change and bend us to His will and plan for our lives.

God is still my God when I am holding a positive pregnancy test and rejoicing over a beautiful new life, and God is still my God when I am suffering a miscarriage.

He still has good plans for me.

God is still my God when I am buying a new car for an incredible deal, and God is still my God when I am in an accident that totals that brand new car.

He is not punishing me or forsaking me when bad things happen.

God is still my God when my family has a beautiful night playing and laughing together, and God is still my God when I am angry and hurt by my husband.

He is still the source of my hope and strength.

God is still my God when I receive an unexpected bonus or gift at my job, and God is still my God when a pipe bursts and I am met with a large, unexpected bill.

He is still working all things for my good.

He is still my God. And, He is still my good God.

So, as a reminder to myself and anyone else who finds themselves asking “am I being ‘good enough’ for good things to happen to me?” Or, “If I was better would God bless me more or be better to me?” Or maybe you're even sitting in your car crying because life just feels so heavy and so hard and you are starting to think that your life is trying to punish you for all of your doubts and questions... Friend, You cannot bribe God. God is not a big blue genie who sings “you ain’t never had a friend like me”. God is not a sky bound sugar-daddy who will hand you a new designer bag every week that you stay in a relationship with him.

God is sovereign. God is all-knowing and all-powerful. God has the ability and desire to know us and care for us. God has a plan for us and He will use us and the events in our lives to shape and mold us to that plan.

Life is still going to happen to you and around you no matter what denomination of church you attend next Sunday (or even if you sit at a ball park on Sunday). Unfortunately you are going to experience some hard things that feel very bad...,but none of those life experiences mean that God is forsaking you or punishing you. God is still very active in the bad parts of life, not just the good parts. God can use bad things that happen for His good and His glory.

Our lives have always been part of God’s plan.

Rather than focus on our own performance, (and what we can name, claim, or accomplish to get more) we can rest (and need to rest) in the character of God and His goodness. Trust that no matter what events and circumstances God throws your way that He both knows and sees and let your faith not be in what actions you can take, but let your faith be in who He is.